@import

Reposting a two year old essay from my old blog for posterity purposes. - T

Author’s note: I started this entry in December when I first had this realization and got about three fourths of the way through it before I got side tracked by life and other things. At the time it was very helpful in getting over some mental hurdles I had concerning my work and life in general. Three months later, those same difficulties have started resurfacing. Finishing this post has helped me pass that blockage. I hope. - T

I’ve been in a creative funk recently. That’s not completely accurate. That makes it sound like I’ve been in a funk concerning some specific creative project - like writer’s block. The more accurate term for where I’ve been might be a creativity funk. I’ve been feeling a distinct lack of creativity in my life recently. This has been hightened by reading Merlin Mann’s 43 Folders as he re-ivents it from a productivity site to something more akin to essays about the creative process. As a programmer, I’ve always been looking for a creative outlet. After all, computer science is a very right-brained activity ((It is in the School of Engineering for a reason, right?)). If I’m going to live a well-balanced life, I need to exercise both sides of my brain or else things will get lopsided ((Let me tell you, having a head that’s shaped like Quasimodo’s back is not the way to win over the ladies.)). I’ve experimented with several different things. In college, I did a digital artwork with Photoshop class with mixed results, which even led to my obtaining a nice digital SLR which I rarely use. I also tried sketching, where I realized that even my stick figures are fat. A writer friend has tried for several years to get me to do NaNoWriMo with her. She’s certain that at least one of the myriad extremely bizarre and vivid dreams I have might make a halfway decent story ((Side resolution: Somehow do something with Sad Girl on the Moon for no other reason than to get her out of my head.)). Her entreaties are all for naught as I tend to get frustrated with any narrative form longer than a haiku ((Writing a haiku./Isn’t this fun? I’m not sure./Bored now! Moving on…)). I’m definitely more of a music appreciator than a music creator ((After all, I did marry a musician.)). Music’s out, writing’s out, art is out, photography is out. Where does that leave me creatively? In a funk.

It was in this mindset that I found myself working on a presentation for work ((My real, paying job. Not I/O Vortex through which I like to pretend I’ll eventually make money.)). The presentation is over Maven ((If you’re a Java programmer and you’re not using Maven, what’s wrong with you?)), and I was developing a slide that succinctly explained the time-saving benefits that using Maven as a project management tool provided. Without any concious thought to it, I ended up with this simple statement:

After I wrote that slide, I stared at it for a long time. Why had I chosen that terminology? What I had said is certainly true, but still it puzzled me. Specifically, why had I chosen the phrase “creating great software”? Why creating? Why not writing, programming, coding, developing, or hacking? All verbs traditionally associated with the act of software development. The more I weighed the word, rolled it through my brain, the greater the certainty I had chosen the right word. And why not? After all, what does a programmer do: they write a bunch of code that when compiled creates a program that people can use. Or do they?

Suddenly, my whole lexical interpretation of my chosen career was thrown into question, striped bare underneath the naked light bulb of the creative insight. What was there to do but refer to the great font of knowledge in the ether? Only the collective wisdom of the Google Oracle could set me on the right path. It was time to get back to the basics. First, the definition of a programmer yielded this gem:

This definition really surprised me. It says nothing, absolutely nothing about what one does with that natural sense. By this definition, a programmer doesn’t do anything, he just sits. He exists in the space filled with a natural sense of algorithm. Very unsatisfying. So, moving on we’ll try the definition for an engineer. After all, my official title at work is Software Engineer.

Well, this definition is a little bit better. We’ve gone from an abstract thinker to somebody that does something. However, an engineer is solving practical problems, which doesn’t necessarily involve creating something. So, we’ve gone through two descriptions of my field and still haven’t explained the creating that I alluded to in my slide. If my official job title yielded such unsatisfactory results, what about the the dark underbelly of programming slang? What about a hacker?

To create something within a system, you must have skills in that system ((Although, if you’re hacking, then you must have skillz.)), but hacking doesn’t suggest that creation. It’s exploring. While the act of creation can be an exploration, so can spelunking or walking through the woods. It’s an experience that doesn’t guarantee a new creation at the end of the journey. Obviously, to find my answer I would need to look outside the terms commonly associated with my field. I surround myself with artists of all disciplines: literary, musical, or physical. What exactly are these artists I associate with?

Finally, we reach a definition that refers to creation, but more interesting than that was the vagueness of the creative work. By that definition, anything that shows sensitivity and imagination could be considered a creative work. Looking into the world of software, while some applications could be considered fairly utilitarian and uncreative, others - like Delicious Monster’s Delicious Library - can take a fairly mundane concept and present it with imagination and sensitivity to the user. With this in mind, what is a program? It’s a creative work in a digital medium - binary. Ones and zeros sculpted together to make a new and innovative creative work.

With that realization, I reached a new understanding of what a programmer is - some are content to sit in their understanding of algorithms and explore the system, others solve practical problems while yet more creatively define themselves through their programs. I was able to encapsulate this idea more succinctly on Twitter:

This whole time I’ve been in a creative funk because I’ve been looking for some way to express my creativity, when in actuality I do it every day. Sure some of these creations are ugly and utilitarian, but it doesn’t stop me from making software that could be as creative and beautiful as the Mona Lisa or the Sistine Chapel. To remind myself of this, I no longer consider myself a Hacker, Computer Scientist, or Software Engineer. Starting today and from now on, I am a Software Artist and this is my Creative Manifesto.